eSPO
19th July 2004, 02:57
During a trial in a small Missouri town, the local prosecuting attorney
called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she
would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the
Bible, so help her God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly
lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.
The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do
you know me?'"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly
about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when
you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." "Yes, I know you quite well." The
lawyer was stunned.
He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away,
fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the
court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do,
he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The
man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in
his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of
you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail
called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she
would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the
Bible, so help her God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly
lady, the Grandmother type, well spoken and poised.
The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do
you know me?'"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment
to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly
about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when
you haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more
than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster." "Yes, I know you quite well." The
lawyer was stunned.
He couldn't even think for a few minutes. Then, slowly backed away,
fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the
court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do,
he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The
man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in
his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps, thundered
throughout the courtroom and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of
you morons asks her if she knows me, you're going to jail